I think that's the hardest part about living up here. The loneliness. Especially when Jaxon's in bed and I'm stuck here all alone. Tried calling the few people that I could maybe hang out with but its a humbling thing when you realize that you only have a few people to call. And you've been here over 4 years. Jesus. And its not just in the being alone in this apartment. Its being alone in everyday life up here. I don't fit in here. I'm a Yankees fan and am beyond crushed by what happened Thursday night. Have quite possibly lost my relationship that means so much to me as a result of how hard I took it. Then, the next night, as if God is just rubbing my face in Yankee/Mark Lawrence failure, the team down the street hits a walk-off to win Game 5 and move on. Not one other Yankee fan in sight to commiserate with. And probably not a girlfriend anymore to make me feel just a little bit better. I went to school at Oklahoma State University. Not only do I stew around on Saturdays while all of my friends are back home at the game tailgating, I can't find the game on TV. Ever. Not even in most bars. Unless we are on ESPN, then there is a shot. Otherwise, I rely on texts from my friends at the game and/or whatever cell phone app. I just don't fit in here. I piss people off constantly without meaning to. Imagine that. Thinking you're rolling along making people laugh and out of nowhere completely offend somebody for literally nothing. (Side note - I've definitely done my fair share of pissing people off being a retarded jackass. I'm talking about good natured jokin around out of nowhere pissing people off). I'm like Dexter I think trying so hard to connect with people up here and they just flat out do not like me. I blow it every time. Well, not every time. Quite a bit, I think, its the people up here that won't let me in. And I miss my home so much. And I miss my New York so much. Especially now that I've screwed up yet another good relationship.
Each of you reading this, I want you to put yourself in a hypothetical. Think of one of your kids if you have em, a dog if you have one, whatever. Something you love dearly. Now imagine what it would be like to have to live 800 miles away from your home where literally your entire family lives and the vast majority of your true friends live to be this kid/dog's parent the best you know how. Now, imagine what it would be like to only be allowed to see that kid/dog 4 days out of every 14, every other Christmas, every other Thanksgiving, and 3 lone weeks spread throughout the year so you can take the kid/dog back to the home you love so much. Then, add that your in debt up to your eyeballs and couldn't even afford to go home a month ago when you had the week off and had custody of the kid/dog to take them home. Add that you get visited by your Mom once a year and your Dad once a year. No visits from friends or other family, understandably so. Add all that to what you just read in paragraph 1 and then tell me what the FUCK am I supposed to do?
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
The Captain
The flip play. 2001 ALDS. The Yankees, having lost the first two of a best of 5 series with the A's, were clinging to a 1 run lead in game 3, bottom of the 7th, 2 outs. In Oakland. Lose and go home. With the tying run chugging around third, Yankee right fielder Shane Spencer overthrows his cut-off man so bad, he even overthrew the cut-off man's backup. Somehow, Derek Jeter sees this, sprints over toward the first base line, grabs the ball, and does a wishbone-type option flip to Jorge Posada who tags out Jeremy Giambi just before his foot hits the plate. To me, this is the best and most clutch baseball play in baseball history. In that moment, Derek Jeter separated himself to the level of the Mickey Mantles and Babe Ruths in Yankee lore. He had already won some championships. But, this one. Damn. What a heads up play.
This play single handedly turned around the playoffs for the Yankees. They went on to win that series 3-2 and then beat Seattle 4-1 in the ALCS to make it to the World Series. Now, I don't know if any of you remember what happened in New York about a month before the flip play in 2001. But, as a small recap, about 30 or so fuck sticks thought it would be a good idea to fly planes into both of the twin towers, the Pentagon, and almost the White House if it weren't for some heroic moves by some of our fellow citizens in the Pennsylvania air space. Yea. I'm talking about 9/11. And here is Derek Jeter. The Yankee Captain. The face of the franchise. The face of baseball really single handedly saving this game and the post season for the Yankees in 2001. Now, I would love to tell you that this post season ended with another Yankee Championship. But, the Diamondbacks beat the Yankees on a walk-off improbable bullshit bloop fucker (no, not pissed at all) by Luis Gonzales against Mariano Rivera. (By the way, on the way to getting to a Game 7, Derek Jeter hit a walk-off home run in the bottom of the 10th in Game 4 to tie the series at 2-2).
This man has done things for the Yankees that you could never script. Diving into the stands against the red sox catching the ball and coming up bloody and woozy. In a regular season game too, I think. And, who would ever pen that he would become the all-time Yankee hit leader on the anniversary of 9/11 in 2009. A feat that, incidentally, didn't get quite the media coverage that it should have I must say. He did it on 9 freaking 11 people! Anyway, then there is today. Needing only two hits to reach 3,000 career hits coming into the game, Derek Jeter not only got there, he pounded his 3000th hit into the left field seats, went 5-5, was a triple away from the cycle, and hit the game winning RBI in the bottom of the 8th. Wow. Just wow.
Jaxon & I just watched the HBO Documentary Derek Jeter 3K. Amazing. Great behind the scenes stuff as Jeter worked his way toward 3,000 hits. Great interviews that showed us how utterly respected he is around the league and by the legends. You know, I've always wished I would have been alive when Mickey Mantle was playing. Dude was from Oklahoma and was arguably the best baseball player ever. Now, I find myself feeling fortunate to be experiencing Derek Jeter's last days along side my 5 year old son who is experiencing his first days as a baseball fan.
"Daddy, Derek Jeter is my favorite Yankee of all time," the little dude said to me tonight. Perfect.
This play single handedly turned around the playoffs for the Yankees. They went on to win that series 3-2 and then beat Seattle 4-1 in the ALCS to make it to the World Series. Now, I don't know if any of you remember what happened in New York about a month before the flip play in 2001. But, as a small recap, about 30 or so fuck sticks thought it would be a good idea to fly planes into both of the twin towers, the Pentagon, and almost the White House if it weren't for some heroic moves by some of our fellow citizens in the Pennsylvania air space. Yea. I'm talking about 9/11. And here is Derek Jeter. The Yankee Captain. The face of the franchise. The face of baseball really single handedly saving this game and the post season for the Yankees in 2001. Now, I would love to tell you that this post season ended with another Yankee Championship. But, the Diamondbacks beat the Yankees on a walk-off improbable bullshit bloop fucker (no, not pissed at all) by Luis Gonzales against Mariano Rivera. (By the way, on the way to getting to a Game 7, Derek Jeter hit a walk-off home run in the bottom of the 10th in Game 4 to tie the series at 2-2).
This man has done things for the Yankees that you could never script. Diving into the stands against the red sox catching the ball and coming up bloody and woozy. In a regular season game too, I think. And, who would ever pen that he would become the all-time Yankee hit leader on the anniversary of 9/11 in 2009. A feat that, incidentally, didn't get quite the media coverage that it should have I must say. He did it on 9 freaking 11 people! Anyway, then there is today. Needing only two hits to reach 3,000 career hits coming into the game, Derek Jeter not only got there, he pounded his 3000th hit into the left field seats, went 5-5, was a triple away from the cycle, and hit the game winning RBI in the bottom of the 8th. Wow. Just wow.
Jaxon & I just watched the HBO Documentary Derek Jeter 3K. Amazing. Great behind the scenes stuff as Jeter worked his way toward 3,000 hits. Great interviews that showed us how utterly respected he is around the league and by the legends. You know, I've always wished I would have been alive when Mickey Mantle was playing. Dude was from Oklahoma and was arguably the best baseball player ever. Now, I find myself feeling fortunate to be experiencing Derek Jeter's last days along side my 5 year old son who is experiencing his first days as a baseball fan.
"Daddy, Derek Jeter is my favorite Yankee of all time," the little dude said to me tonight. Perfect.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Well, I guess I'm fucking forty....
Not just yet actually. Its June 23, 2011. The last day of my thirties. Wow...all this hasn't really fucked with me until this very moment. So weird that I will never be 30whatever again. Feels like I should go buy a red convertible or bang a 20somethin tonight. Hmmmmm...Option 2 sounds cheaper...maybe. Tried Option 2 a few times and one time, Option 2 was the most expensive Option 2 in the history of Option 2s. $250,000 - the grand total of child support payments between years 2 1/2 and 18 of my son Jaxon, the most amazing kid on the planet. Sure, Dads are supposed to say that, right? A few days ago was Father's Day:
Jaxon: Happy Father's Day Dad!
Me: Thank you little pete. There would be no "Happy Father's Day" for me if there was no you.
Jaxon: <smugly> I know.
Cocky little shit. Like Dave Chapelle said - 6 years ago, that little dude was in my balls!!! Now, he's cock 'a the walkin me on Father's Day? That's one bad mutha fucka! I think, no I know, that this past Father's Day was the best Father's Day so far. Its funny. I think it takes Dads a little longer to connect, a little longer to "get it". For me, I have zero imagination (unless I'm high) and just couldn't connect with the baby stuff and entertaining this little dude. But, now that Jaxon's 5, I feel like our relationship has just recently started. We can talk, play catch every day, have hip hop Saturday on Saturdays, work on hitting, wrestle, teach him to ride a bike. This is what I always thought being a Dad would be like. At least I hoped. Thank you Ben Juen. Seriously, man, thank you. When I found out this little miracle/accident/too much wine on a Friday night was happening, Ben gave me some poignant advice as I was stuggling with what to do. He said that as hard as it seems it will be in the foreseable future, it can't begin to compare to the joy you will get from the relationship you will build with your son over the next twenty years. True. That.
Anyway, back to Father's Day. I took Jaxon to his first game ever at Wrigley. Cubs vs our beloved Yankees. CC Sabathia vs Randy Wells. The Cubs & Yankees haven't played each other since 2005, before that 2003, and before that the 1938 World Series. They would have met in the 2003 World Series if there were no steve bartman or billy goats. Babe Ruth hit his infamous called shot against the Cubs in the 1932 World Series. And the Interleague Gods set this series on Father's Day Weekend 2011. See, Jaxon was born in New York and has been to every Opening Day of his life at Yankee Stadium. Well, it just so happens that I'm a big Cubs fan, too. Watched them every day on WGN growing up in Oklahoma (Mickey Mantle Country) and this was literally the first time I've had to root against them. It was weird. Really weird. But, easier to do than I thought it would be actually. Like I said, we're Yankee fans and I couldn't help it. Nick Swisher hit a 3 run homer in the top of the 8th to break open a 4-4 tie and I went ballistic. Great moment for Swish (former member of the Chicago White Sox) as he's been struggling all year trying to HIT THE FUCKING BALL AT THE MAJOR LEAGUE LEVEL!!! Oh yea, Father's Day. Sorry. After Swish crushed that one and I went nuts, I looked down at the little timer pete and he was taking pictures with my camera of the people in the stands to our right. And it got me wondering. When will I be able to truly share baseball with my son? When will he "get it"? Ya know...I honestly don't care. I looked down at him and just started laughing. He was in hog ass heaven and I realized that I just love being a Dad. I just loving seeing him truly happy.
Last night of my thirties indeed....
Jaxon: Happy Father's Day Dad!
Me: Thank you little pete. There would be no "Happy Father's Day" for me if there was no you.
Jaxon: <smugly> I know.
Cocky little shit. Like Dave Chapelle said - 6 years ago, that little dude was in my balls!!! Now, he's cock 'a the walkin me on Father's Day? That's one bad mutha fucka! I think, no I know, that this past Father's Day was the best Father's Day so far. Its funny. I think it takes Dads a little longer to connect, a little longer to "get it". For me, I have zero imagination (unless I'm high) and just couldn't connect with the baby stuff and entertaining this little dude. But, now that Jaxon's 5, I feel like our relationship has just recently started. We can talk, play catch every day, have hip hop Saturday on Saturdays, work on hitting, wrestle, teach him to ride a bike. This is what I always thought being a Dad would be like. At least I hoped. Thank you Ben Juen. Seriously, man, thank you. When I found out this little miracle/accident/too much wine on a Friday night was happening, Ben gave me some poignant advice as I was stuggling with what to do. He said that as hard as it seems it will be in the foreseable future, it can't begin to compare to the joy you will get from the relationship you will build with your son over the next twenty years. True. That.
Anyway, back to Father's Day. I took Jaxon to his first game ever at Wrigley. Cubs vs our beloved Yankees. CC Sabathia vs Randy Wells. The Cubs & Yankees haven't played each other since 2005, before that 2003, and before that the 1938 World Series. They would have met in the 2003 World Series if there were no steve bartman or billy goats. Babe Ruth hit his infamous called shot against the Cubs in the 1932 World Series. And the Interleague Gods set this series on Father's Day Weekend 2011. See, Jaxon was born in New York and has been to every Opening Day of his life at Yankee Stadium. Well, it just so happens that I'm a big Cubs fan, too. Watched them every day on WGN growing up in Oklahoma (Mickey Mantle Country) and this was literally the first time I've had to root against them. It was weird. Really weird. But, easier to do than I thought it would be actually. Like I said, we're Yankee fans and I couldn't help it. Nick Swisher hit a 3 run homer in the top of the 8th to break open a 4-4 tie and I went ballistic. Great moment for Swish (former member of the Chicago White Sox) as he's been struggling all year trying to HIT THE FUCKING BALL AT THE MAJOR LEAGUE LEVEL!!! Oh yea, Father's Day. Sorry. After Swish crushed that one and I went nuts, I looked down at the little timer pete and he was taking pictures with my camera of the people in the stands to our right. And it got me wondering. When will I be able to truly share baseball with my son? When will he "get it"? Ya know...I honestly don't care. I looked down at him and just started laughing. He was in hog ass heaven and I realized that I just love being a Dad. I just loving seeing him truly happy.
Last night of my thirties indeed....
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